Birmingham Blitz Dames' 2011 in Review

I wrote this for the Birmingham Blitz Dames' Blog. It was not requested and I gave them little choice in posting it.


Lost in weekly practices, the run up to bouts and the signing up for bootcamps, it's hard to believe the year has passed so quickly. 2011 draws to a close on a very different Blitz Dames than it welcomed it, but while we've made a lot of changes, our spirit remains the same! Here's a rundown of this year's achievements.

Just Awesome proves Outstandingly Awesome
Being off skates for an injury is an unfortunate aspect of derby no player looks forward to. This year the very lovely Just Awesome had to take time off to rest her knee, but in the meantime took on the demanding and stressful role of line-up manager. This requires indepth knowledge of tactics, skaters' abilities and how not to fall apart when faced with fourteen adrenaline-loaded rollergirls.

Claiming New Territory
Halfway through the year we made the transition from spreading our three practices across two venues, to our new home, the Birmingham Futsul Arena. At first we were uncertain of the sports tile floor, but we soon realised that our wheels on the tiles sounded like a helicopter. The only problem is the excess of blue gives one an urge to do the breast stroke while skating in a pace line.

A New Drill Sergent
Previously the strange guy who skated so fast he was often called for a multiplayer block on his own, the Blitz Dames voted Rex Tangle in as their coach and he's stepped up to the challenge admirably. The hardest part no doubt is to get us to shut up and do the damn drill. About six months after he was appointed, I finally figured out what his name is about. Rex Tangle. Rectangle. Get it???

Supplies
We are proud to announce we finally have our own online store, where you can buy merch to support us and look mighty fine at the same time. Coming soon, sweat, blood and tear stained items from our top skaters! (Subject to availability.)

Bouts Hosted
Although this year had its share of away bouts, we also hosted a handful of at home double headers, giving our B team skaters a chance to show their skills. The Bout production team had a lot of new members this year, but they functioned professionally and pulled off several stellar events.

The World Cup
This year there was a little thing known as the Blood and Thunder, First Roller Derby World Cup ever, held in Toronto, Canada. You might have seen that Violet Attack's hot pants were there! Infact, Violet Attack were also there, representing Team England, while Roisin Roulette represented Team Ireland. To celebrate we made an Attack of the Rollergirls tshirts. We offered to make a similar shirt for RR, but she just gave us an unnerving stare and asked if we were feeling lucky.

Pretty good work for a year! Roll on 2012!

What Do Muslims Do For Christmas

Around this time of year, friends tend to chatter away about their Christmas plans and preparations. Then they look at me, with a dawning suspicion. "What are your Christmas plans?" I shrug and give an apologetic smile. "Nothing much. I don't really celebrate Christmas."

Everytime I give away this slice of information, I'm met with horror. "Then, what do you do on Christmas?"

Well, inquiring minds need to know. Here it is.

Firstly, in preparation for Christmas, Muslims purchase reverse advent calendars. These are similar to real advent calendars but behind every cardboard flap there is just an empty space. This is to prepare us for the emptiness of non-Christmas.

The best presents at Christmas come from family and good friends. For Muslims, these good gift-givers know that we don't celebrate Christmas, and unless they are very serious about it they won't bother to give us any sort of outstanding gift.

Instead, we only get presents from acquaintances who feel obliged. The kind that might say hi to you in the street, but will always mispell your name.

                       

Typical gifts are scented candles, bubble bath and German brand chocolates from Aldi.

Since we don't have Christmas trees, we put the gifts under the kitchen table.

In the afternoon, we cut out photographs of ourselves and stick them onto Christmas cards we received, to try and trick ourselves into believing we have experienced some sort of Christmas scene.

                

At night, we look through the yellow pages to see which businesses are open on Christmas day and call them up to chat. If we have time, we drive round. On the way back, we drive slowly, so we can look into the windows of normal, Christmas celebrating human beings.

This last part is individual to me, before I go to bed. To make sure I've covered all bases, I think negative things about humanity in general, to ensure I'm not wishing goodwill to any men.

Home Truths

Roller derby teaches you a lot about yourself.

Recently I have realised something that shook me to my core.

I'm a bad sport.

This has never really occurred to me before, mainly because I never cared enough about a sport to get upset or attitudey about it. Also, because I'm so nice!

At first I sort of ignored it, brushed it off as a one time thing, but today, while seething in the penalty box because I'd apparently cut track again I realised that the one with the problem wasn't everyone else.

I'll talk you through it how it happened.

Here's me, when I was fresh meat, at the beginning of this year.

                                         

I was quiet, a little shy, not yet completely initiated. I hesitated before giving my opinions off track, and before giving a hit on track. Everyone else's opinion was more valid than mine. I'd like to think I was a bit funnier than this kitten.

Here is me a few months ago, after I started bouting. (This is my blog, I can say what I want.)

       

I'd released my inner warrior spirit; I was coming to grips with it and being able to think for myself. I'd made a few good friends in my league and was starting to feel more confident around the dames.

However, I've noticed recently that I didn't stop there.

                            

This is what I have turned into. Rabid, sabre-toothed tiger. At this point, my inhibitions have been lowered a bit too much. It's gone too far. Now the desire to win has overcome all else. I shout a lot. I hit a lot. I get a lot of penalties and then I get angry with the refs.

In short, my opinion of myself has gone too high, and my inhibitions have gone too low. Derby at first may seem like a sport where anything goes, but that's not true. If you're being a tool in roller derby, you're still being a tool. You're just being a tool while wearing roller skates.

I am very much hoping that now I have recognised the behaviour, I'll be able to avoid it in future. I don't want to be that skater, or that person. Maybe this is the last step of the rookie ladder: recognising your abilities and limitations.

It's probably not. It's probably just the landing before another flight of stairs.

The Post-Derby Shower

There is something special, about the post-derby shower.

I have never had a practice where I'm glad to finish. Even when my skates feel too tight, or I've run out of water, or Roisin Roulette is running an endurance session.

However, once practice properly finishes, my feelings change quite dramatically. I've made a chart, so you can see it in diagramatic form.

As you can see, as soon as I stop skating, my mood takes an abrupt downturn, and as my adrenalin fades away, a few sad truths become apparent.

• No Skates

When I take my skates off, all that lovely fluid ease of movement is gone. Then I take my pads off, and I feel vulnerable. I also feel 100% less cool without skates. Even my jokes don't seem as funny.

• Sweaty

In the next couple of minutes I realise that I am really sweaty. This means that my top will stick to me, and if the temperature's low, the shirt will become wet and cold. Sweating is bad enough, but I feel like my body has betrayed me when I start shivering because my sweat is suddenly ice cold.

• Smelly

As soon as I go out of the sports hall, into fresh air, the comparison makes me realise that I do not smell quite so fresh. I am a very hygiene conscious person, so this never fails to dismay me. This is why it's important to get a lift home with other, similarly scented rollergirls, rather than subjecting non skaters to it.

• Tired

Also, now the serotonin levels are properly going down, I realise I'm mega tired. This is usually the point where pain starts to register. I'm the kind that gets knocked down constantly, scrambles to my feet and carries on skating.

Then later I realise that ow, that really hurts.

• Confused for Food

Confused for food probably doesn't happen to everyone. Sensible people bring snacks to derby, and have something sensible prepared at home for them as well. In my exhausted state, I fumble around the kitchen, trying to find anything that could replenish my energy levels. Sometimes I find half a kitkat. Other times, I just drink four glasses of orange juice with bits in it.

Tired, gross, fueled only by orange juice with bits in it, I roll myself into the shower, and into sanctuary.

• SHOWER POWER

Hot water + soap and suddenly I feel like a human being again, instead of something you find at the bottom of the kit hire bag.

I treasure the post-derby shower. It is one of the few times I feel I've truly earned something. In my opinion, it is served best with the post-derby nap.

Is This Roller Derby?

I'm a derby baby, there's no getting around that.

Before 2010, I didn't even know this thing existed, and I only started skating with my league at the beginning of this year.

Despite being pretty new on the scene, even I can tell that derby is, and has changed. There's a lot of discussion about how it's changing, whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, and what, if anything, should be done.

Like the majority of the derby community, I spent the majority of my weekend watching the DNN live stream of the World Cup. Some people prefer to watch full screen in silence, but I have to abuse the chat with my joy and woe, depending on how the game goes.

Just before the England V Australia game came on, the stream ran a selection of adverts, one of which was the somewhat viral 'This Is Roller Derby' trailer that most are familiar with.

I watched that video at the beginning of 2011, and thought the fights, drama and attitude was over the top when compared to the UK derby scene, but now it just seems ridiculous. More than one viewer commented that 'that is not roller derby', and I think they're right.

Derby has transformed into a sport played by athletes that take it and themselves seriously.

This much is apparent by the fact that there was a world cup at all, and evident in the standard zebra shirts all the ref's sported, and the subdued, streamlined uniforms that the players were using. (Violet Attack's hot pants not withstanding.)

A lot of people would lament this 'normalisation' of derby, but I welcome it, because derby remains a place where women can be whoever they want to be.

In the World Cup, some people skated under their real name others used their derby name. Some skaters wore face paint, some didn't. There were a few surprises, like Finland hiding the jammer pantie under their shirts, and every single team seemed to take delays after they'd lined up as an opportunity to do a little dance or conduct the cheers of their fans.

Derby might be changing its face, but it's not losing any of its spirit. Thank goodness for that.

The Road To Working Out

The night before: set alarm for 0900 to get a jumpstart on workout.

0900: turn off alarm and roll back over.

1100: wake up. fall into shower.

1130: cannot work out because have not eaten in 11 hours. Very unhealthy. Eat breakfast in front of computer.

1200: finished breakfast but now full, cannot work out until digested a bit. Read emails. Tumble.

1300: now ready to work out. Look for workout clothes. Shorts that match t-shirt is on the washing line. Put in tumble dryer.

1310: while waiting, watch Glee.

1330: clothes now dry. Only clean pair of socks are bright blue with ice cream cones on them. Unacceptable. Find suitable trainer socks on washing line. Put in tumble dryer.

1340: finish watching Glee.

1400: finish dressing in workout clothes. Sadly, am now hungry. Making jacket potato takes too long, so instead, eat entire terry's chocolate orange.

1415: feel sick. Thought of working out worsens nausea. Check facebook to calm nerves.

1430: headache from sugar and farmville requests. Cannot find paracetamol. Decide to borrow from neighbour.

1435: cannot go in work out clothes. Put on normal clothes.

1440: realise headache is gone just before leaving house.

1445: put workout clothes back on. Cannot find socks again. Complain about this on facebook.

1500: steel self to wear blue socks but become disheartened upon seeing reflection in mirror. Lie on bed and wallow in self-pity.

1800: wake up. Realise it is now dark. Cannot work out now as it is practically time to go to bed. Google star atheletes and their favourite workout routines and browse online sports shops for perfectly co-ordinated workout clothes.

2300: set alarm for 0900.

2301: find socks under pillow.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

For ease of following, daphnedoesderby has moved to tumblr!

Follow the most serious banana here: daphnedoesderby.tumblr.com



EDIT: I've decided to keep posting the best stuff here, but for reblogs, links and extras, tumblr is the place to be.

Missing Practice

I had to miss Thursday night's practice and will be missing tomorrow's as well for family reasons. This makes me quite glum, because I always feel like if I'm not improving, I'm regressing, and I'm letting myself down. Especially with the upcoming AIRD bout.

However, today I have realised that my left knee hurts a little bit when I put pressure on one spot in particular (likely because I fell quite heavily on it last week). Also I was doing the plank last night while waiting for the microwave to heat up my hot chocolate, and I think I overexerted myself and let my spine take too much of the pressure, so that's feeling a bit out of sync as well.

Love it when recovering from injury and family commitments overlap. Feels so efficient.

Humble Beginnings

Just found this in my inbox.

from: daphne
to: info@blitzdames.com
01/08/2010


Hi!!!

Just wanted to check if it's cool to come along this saturday? totally new and have no experience or equipment, and I think I might get demolished in actual roller derby, but it seems kickass and I'd love to get more involved and see what you guys do.

Thanks!

from: info@blitzdames.com
to: daphne
04/08/2010

Hiya,

thanks for getting in contact with us, sorry I didn't get back to you sooner.

It's fine for you to come on Saturday, we have hire equipment for you to use, but we do give these out on a first come first served basis.

I've attached our induction FAQ below, but please let me know if you have any more questions.

Look forward to meeting you,

Violet Attack

Well done, past self, for being brave and taking your first few steps towards derby. It's more worth it than you could ever have imagined.

What to Wear

The perennial question for all women.

It may seem strange, but for me, the hardest thing about wearing the hijab is selecting clothes.

Since I choose to cover all skin except my face and hands and wear clothes that are not form fitting, every outfit I wear has to be carefully chosen. I can't just throw on jeans and a t-shirt (or if it's cold, add on a hoody). My outfits generally consist of jeans, a dress/tunic, a long-sleeve t-shirt under that, a matching headscarf and footwear. And does it ever break my heart when I prepare a wonderful outfit and realise at the last minute I don't have a headscarf that will go with it.

When I went to my first derby session, I asked Ellen Rage what she wore to derby. "Not a lot," she said.

My typical derby outfits are loose trousers, a baggy t-shirt and a long sleeve t-shirt under that with a short hijab. Sometimes I wear a skirt, sometimes not. It's a good thing I'm cold blooded, or I'd overheat. Some people feel that wearing a lot of clothes slows you down, but I started skating with the belief that if the way I dressed made me slower, I would train harder until I was faster. It's worked well for me so far.


I've found roller derby, and particularly the dames, to be very flexible in what I wear. Most of the time, my attire goes ignored. That's something I adore about derby. The only thing you're judged on is your attitude to skating. Everything else is secondary.

Profile: Violet Attack

Name: Violet Attack
Rank: Captain
Team: Birmingham Blitz Dames. Team England.

About: When I first set about contacting the dames, I sent an email to them and Attack emailed back very nicely. 'How sweet,' I thought. Little did I know. When I'm mentally practicing blocking, I like to visualize myself hitting Attack. Half rollergirl, half robot, she's something fierce.

Violet Attack's official BBD profile can be found here.
Her Team England profile can be found here.

Japan Video

Here's a video my roommate in Japan made with me for some My Chemical Romance competition. I don't really like My Chemical Romance, but she really did, and she talked me into it.

I'm not sure I could explain this video if I wanted to, so I'm just not going to try. I hope that's okay with everyone.

All Ireland Roller Derby Bout

On Tuesday the roster for our upcoming home bout against All Ireland Roller Derby was announced. My name was on it!

The bout is the first of a double header. The second is AIRD against an all-star midlands lineup. The first is against the Blitz Dames A-team. The fearsome Roisin Roulette is playing for Ireland, against us. I don't feel good about this.

It's my first ever A-team bout and I'm quite nervous. There are a few usual A-teamers that are unavailable to skate that day, rather than me having wrestled my way in, so I feel that I'm not really up to A-team standard. However I spend a lot of time shouting at people to be more positive about themselves, so I will have to take my own advice.

I am not panicking. I am zen. Everyone has been incredibly supportive and I feel lucky to be part of such a wonderful league.

What most worries me is somehow not skating to my full potential.

Also, what to wear.

A Brief History of Daphne

April, 1990 - Daphne is born.

July, 2010 - Daphne goes to her Blitz Dames induction.

August, 2010 - Daphne goes to Japan where she gets to grips with basic skating, recklessly endangers her own life and jumps over a snake while skating (careening with no control over her actions) down a hill.

January, 2011 - Daphne returns to England and starts skating weekly with the Blitz Dames.

March, 2011 - Daphne passes basic skills

July, 2011 - Daphne skates on an amalgamated Blitz Dames B-team in the Fast vs Furious Smacky Races bout.

October, 2011 - Daphne skates again on an amalgamated Blitz Dames B-team against the Dolly Rockit's B-team, the Raggy Dolls at the Rolling Dead bout. Daphne was voted MVP and had a lovely write up from the Dollies.

November, 2011 - Daphne is skating in the dames A team against the All Ireland Roller Derby in the AIRD vs Blitz Dames bout. See here for more information.

2012 - who knows?

What Makes A Rollergirl?

Society is split into two groups. Women who roll, and women who do not roll. (What do you mean there is another gender? Are you talking about referees?)

Rollergirls can be found everywhere. Schools, offices, department stores, circuses; they fit - for the most part - quiet neatly into society. But most women are not rollergirls.

Here's what I think makes a derbygirl:

Active
I know a lot of women - myself included - that have never taken sports seriously before roller derby. However, if you're not willing to step up, get into shape, use muscles you didn't know you had and sweat (a lot), you're never going to be a derbygirl. Rollerderby is a sport, get it?

Tenacity
Derbygirls don't give up. Derby is hard! It involves being exhausted and achey, throwing yourself into unfamiliar situations and pushing yourself to skate just a little bit faster when you're already two steps away from passing out. To me, that all sounds awesome. To some people, not so much.

Confidence
As fearless as rollergirls tend to look, derby can be scary! For starters it takes a lot of courage to come to a fresh meat training session with thirty-odd women who look prone to violence. In my first few weeks of derby I dreaded going to practice because I felt out of place and I didn't know anyone. I constantly second-guessed myself, but in the end I dredged up the confidence to do what I wanted to do, and am so grateful that I did.

Lining up on the jam line is also pretty nerve wracking. I overcome this by making small talk with the other jammer about their tattoo(s). If they don't have a tattoo, this works doubly well for confusing them and throwing them off their game.

Toughness
This is the sticking point for a lot of wannabe rollergirls. Roller derby is full contact. You will get hit, and it will hurt. You will fall; that will hurt too. You will be sweaty and gross and sore and exhausted and kind of nauseous. You will break all your nails and maybe more than that. Possibility of injury is something that even experienced skaters struggle with, but I try to keep it in perspective. Roller derby is about as dangerous as horse riding and loads of people do that. It's much safer than Quidditch.

DERBY FACTOR
This is a combination of all the other factors, and then that magical something else that all derbygirls have. It's something that makes the calmest, mildest lady turn into a furious skating machine. What is it? We may never know...

British Roller Derby

Roller derby is a sport with many faces, all across the world. It's got its own little culture which is part of what makes it so fantastic.

What derby means to people differs from country to country, league to league and person to person. For me there are three things I love about roller derby, which hooked me in and kept me coming back again and again and again.

They are fitness, skating and the people.

Fitness

In my fresh meat days, Mimey Vice, while putting us through an excruciating round of Circle of Pain, told us that "you don't do derby to get fit, you get fit for derby." Be that as it may, the health benefits of derby cannot be overlooked. Derby wakes up muscles you didn't even know you had. It gives you an intense cardio workout and most importantly, it's about 1400% more interesting that going to the gym.

When I first started skating the three hour session on a Saturday would wipe me out for the entire weekend. Now I hardly feel it.

I also enjoy feeling smug whenever I hear about how unfit the rest of England is.

Skating

I've liked skating since I was a child, but there's something about the sport of roller derby that I just love.

Maybe it's playing a team sport, maybe it's skating fast, maybe it's shoving someone so hard they fall over. Either way, I always leave a session smiling.

Amazing people

Never in my life have I met a more interesting, powerful or supportive group of people. Sometimes outside of derby I don't speak at all because I have used up all my words chatting to people at practice. And I have a lot of words.

Roller derby attracts a subsection of women that are incredibly varied, but uniformly awesome. If you've ever wondered why everyone around you seems so uninteresting, it's because the good ones are busy beating each other up on the roller derby track.

Derby Dictionary

under construction

BBD: The Birmingham Blitz Dames.
Circle of Pain: series of exercises designed to improve derby related muscles.
Fresh Meat: new skaters who haven't really been hit yet.
Derby name: an alternate name you skate under.
Team Zebra: the referees. They do seem to have a jolly old time.*


*© Chinablade

Profile: Mimey Vice

Name: Mimey Vice
Rank: Head Ref
Team: Team Zebra, Birmingham Blitz Dames

About: Considered by most to be a veteran dame, Mimey's 'stern face' is feared on the track. Many a skater has been reduced to tears after being whistled off by Mimey. It's not doing the time, it's the disappointment in her eyes that really gets to you.

Aside from reffing, Mimey likes to walk into practice with an expression of muted surprise. "Oh, are there people on roller skates in here? How odd," she seems to be thinking. She is often in charge of training up the fresh meat and leads an unparalleled circle of pain.

Mimey's official BBD profile can be found here.

Origins of a Roller Girl

A lot of people say to me, "Daphne, what's a nice girl like you doing in a violent, tattoo-infested sport like Roller Derby?"

Or they would, if they knew what roller derby was.

I first heard about derby from my good friend Ellen Rage, though I had no idea what the sport was and she finally settled for having me watch Whip It. Yeah, I said it. Ellen Page got me into roller derby. DEAL WITH IT.

After that I found the Dames and went along to one of their Saturday training sessions. It was pretty intimidating, but as soon as I put on my skates I felt 100% cooler, and I knew I was on to a good thing.

From there it was a slippery slope.

I guess the conclusion is, thank goodness for Ellen Page.

Profile: Ellen Rage

This is my very lovely Overseas Derby wife who introduced me to the crazy world of Derby!

Name: Ellen Rage
Rank: Co-captain
Team: Arkham Assailants, Psycho City Derby Girls

About: Born in Boston she moved to Florida and started skating two years ago. Known for loving pandas and making her subordinates cry she is quite sweet at heart.

She has yet to send me any merch from her league though.

If you want to see more of Ellen and the Orlando City Rollergirls (and why wouldn't you?), check out their tumblr.

What Is Roller Derby?

When someone asks me what I did on the weekend I'm always torn. Do I take the easy route (lies) or the honest route (derby)? If you tell someone you did roller derby on the weekend, one of the following will happen.

a. the person will nod and turn away, because they didn't understand what you said but they are pretending they did. (90% of the time.)
b. the person will tilt their head to the side in thought and say "like in that film with Ellen Page?"
c. the person will frown at you. "Huh?"

Then you're faced with the 'how to explain?' because the majority of the time, the person talking to you does not actually want a ten minute breakdown of the rules of roller derby. I generally say "it's like rugby on skates" which is a pretty decent explanation, I feel.

That leads to the inevitable:

"isn't that dangerous?"

Yes. Yes it is.

This is normally where the conversation (and sometimes friendship) ends.

For a better explanation, check out the dames' 'What Is Roller Derby?' page.

Who is Daphne?

Hello!
This is the blog that belongs to Daphne du Gorier, of the Birmingham Blitz Dames.

Q: What is the deal with Daphne?
A: Daphne is a muslim-rollergirl-maniac. She's sort of funny.

Q: Muslims? Like those dudes with the turbans?
A: Yes, exactly like that. (No, not at all.)

Q: What is this 'roller debris'?
A: Roller derby is a sport that leads to extreme poverty and a tendency towards violence.

Q: 'Daphne du Gorier'? Is that her real name?
A: No! It's her derby name. Rollergirls have their skating alter egos to add to the awesome. Daphne du Gorier is inspired by Daphne du Maurier who is a fantastic author she admires.

Q: Should I read this blog again?
A: Yes, read this blog at all times.