The Post-Derby Shower

There is something special, about the post-derby shower.

I have never had a practice where I'm glad to finish. Even when my skates feel too tight, or I've run out of water, or Roisin Roulette is running an endurance session.

However, once practice properly finishes, my feelings change quite dramatically. I've made a chart, so you can see it in diagramatic form.

As you can see, as soon as I stop skating, my mood takes an abrupt downturn, and as my adrenalin fades away, a few sad truths become apparent.

• No Skates

When I take my skates off, all that lovely fluid ease of movement is gone. Then I take my pads off, and I feel vulnerable. I also feel 100% less cool without skates. Even my jokes don't seem as funny.

• Sweaty

In the next couple of minutes I realise that I am really sweaty. This means that my top will stick to me, and if the temperature's low, the shirt will become wet and cold. Sweating is bad enough, but I feel like my body has betrayed me when I start shivering because my sweat is suddenly ice cold.

• Smelly

As soon as I go out of the sports hall, into fresh air, the comparison makes me realise that I do not smell quite so fresh. I am a very hygiene conscious person, so this never fails to dismay me. This is why it's important to get a lift home with other, similarly scented rollergirls, rather than subjecting non skaters to it.

• Tired

Also, now the serotonin levels are properly going down, I realise I'm mega tired. This is usually the point where pain starts to register. I'm the kind that gets knocked down constantly, scrambles to my feet and carries on skating.

Then later I realise that ow, that really hurts.

• Confused for Food

Confused for food probably doesn't happen to everyone. Sensible people bring snacks to derby, and have something sensible prepared at home for them as well. In my exhausted state, I fumble around the kitchen, trying to find anything that could replenish my energy levels. Sometimes I find half a kitkat. Other times, I just drink four glasses of orange juice with bits in it.

Tired, gross, fueled only by orange juice with bits in it, I roll myself into the shower, and into sanctuary.

• SHOWER POWER

Hot water + soap and suddenly I feel like a human being again, instead of something you find at the bottom of the kit hire bag.

I treasure the post-derby shower. It is one of the few times I feel I've truly earned something. In my opinion, it is served best with the post-derby nap.